They simply changed the title (Ricordo di un ragazzo dolce, Remembrance of a Sweet Boy) and added a nickname.
It was as if I was somehow part of the editorial staff.
But it was never like that.
In 2009, I had only exchanged a few short messages with Martin, one of the editors, to whom I had only provided the link to the 2007 article on my website.
No one on the editorial staff can claim to be unaware of this fact.
In fact, the day after the article was published, the then editor-in-chief Roberto Messa (editor of the same website) hastened to clarify, with the “pedantry of the reporter“, that the facts reported in the article referred to the year 2003.
Was it just an oversight ?
I don’t think so.
Obviously, an article from 17 years ago (stylistically mediocre, by the way) cannot be protected by any copyright.
But this “discovery” made me think about a chapter of my life that is now definitely closed.
Exactly seventeen years have passed since I completely left this unhealthy environment.
A futile battle
I would soon be fighting a losing battle.
This is what happened when I decided to try to get back into the chess environment.
Of course I imagined that I would cause a ruckus.
But I just wanted to see how things were.
I had not yet fully understood its total unhealthiness and unsoundness.
The first thing they tried to do ?
To immediately isolate me from the group I had been a part of in the past.
At that point I should have let it go and moved on.
At least that is how I would react today.
In fact, I wouldn’t have even tried to fit in again.
I was still very naive about the world and about life.
Sad experience ?
Once upon along ago… Even the indefensible…
Undoubtedly, the harassment I suffered for several years in this environment was not pleasant at all.
Everyone always denied it.
Even the indefensible.
Even when they were systematically brought in, there was no evidence.
Are there also pleasant memories ?
Of course, undoubtedly.
Everyone I met in my life contributed to my growth.
No one excluded.
Both good and bad.
But for the vast majority of chess players, confronting me meant confronting the dark side that they wanted to suppress at all costs.
And of which they were really so afraid.
That was the reason for their bullying.
Their attitudes of intolerance.
The lack of dialog, the wall-to-wall.
Serenity and ease
In the past, I fought bitterly.
At the time I thought it was important.
Today, however, I consider it the biggest mistake I could have ever made.
Certainly not because I was wrong conceptually.
On the contrary, I was absolutely right about that.
But tilting at windmills out of vanity is never a wise choice.
It leads, as it always does in these situations, to a wall.
No wonder, then, that after much deliberation he decided to move on.
To erase a period that was undoubtedly full of victories and satisfaction.
But in the end, they were of ephemeral value.
A very serious mistake
Once upon along ago…The first thing they tried to do ?
At that time, I had focused mainly on intolerance and lack of dialogue.
Later, however, I realized that certain prejudices had taken root in people.
Not necessarily harmful.
But culturally transmitted.
Whether they are carried by superstitious altruism (better) or contemptuous compassion (worse), they always remain in that oscillation from tolerance to intolerance.
It is as if there is a problem that must be dealt with in a certain way at all costs.
And in addition, you end up facing a wall of judgments from others.
Untimely and arbitrary.
A being between a rock and a hard place.
Without having done any harm to anyone.
In fact, I had mistakenly placed too much value on my social satisfactions.
I saw them as a way to regain my human dignity, which at that time was being prejudicially questioned.
A very serious mistake.
For in this way I had suppressed my deepest essence.
And soon I would have to pay for this blatant coercion.
How I have changed since then !
It is different now because I have actually become a public figure.
Back then I wasn’t.
Above all, I did not want to become one.
I was afraid, timid and sometimes shadowy.
I needed to mature, both inwardly and spiritually.
Most of all, I needed to find out what I really wanted out of life.
Today, however, I am alive, smiling and optimistic.
Most importantly, I am open to the world.
And I became that way because of the negative experiences I had during that time.
Otherwise I would never have become who I am.
Instead, they always stayed the same.
They are the same as they were yesterday.
